


Honey, Kitten

by aledrina



Series: Honey, Kitten [1]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-08
Updated: 2012-05-08
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:11:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aledrina/pseuds/aledrina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dragon Age fanfiction loosely related to the amazing Coffee, Black series. Featuring Marian Hawke and Isabela in college and other Dragon Age characters. Contains NSFW material.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. .001

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Coffee, Black](https://archiveofourown.org/works/238633) by [black_ink_tide](https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_ink_tide/pseuds/black_ink_tide). 



“So what do you want?”

“Huh?”

“What is it you want, kitten? Lip piercing? Nose piercing? Tongue? Belly? NIpple? Something more intimate?”

I tore my eyes away from the exotic beauty before me, feeling my face go red not at just the idea of  _that_  kind of piercing, but at the idea of  _her_  of all people doing it.

Dark, smooth caramel skin. Full lips with one of those piercings, fuck, what were they called, right at her chin. Honey brown eyes decorated with smoky makeup. Ears wearing heavy gold earrings. A tank top sliced in the middle to show off “assets” that would have anyone wanting to touch. Dark jeans that showed off those damn… amazing curves…

“I haven’t got all day, sweet. Have you picked yet?”

I snapped my eyes back up to her face. God, her face was gorgeous, even with it staring right through me. And that slightly accented voice made me shiver.

I tried to focus on the music that was playing in the background instead. What was it? Some kind of ethnic music? Maybe from wherever she was from. Maybe-

“Have-“

“Ear piercing,” I blurted out finally, readjusting my messenger bag. “Just a sic ear piercing, nothing fancy.” She leaned forward and I sucked in my breath, afraid that she would catch on that I had garlic pizza for lunch. “I-I’ve never had one. Figured I might as well, college starting and all that.”

I was a bubbling, fumbling idiot. And with good reason!

I had just cut off hair I had been growing for almost all my life, so short that it almost borderlined boyish. I had spent all summer getting into shape. I was a stranger in my own skin. Even the clothes were new. 

I was no longer Marian Hawke- high school senior weighing nearly two and a half times my healthy weight, with glasses grandfathers would wear and knitted cat sweaters that their wives made.

No, I was no Marian Hawke- college freshman, who could climb a flight of stairs without needing an inhaler and had expensive glasses that any hipster would approve of.

“Virgin.”

I snapped back to attention, gaping. “W-what?”

How did she-

“Piercing virgin. Fresh and innocent, like a blank canvas. You’ve got good ears to get a few if you’d want to. Good face too.”

I wasn’t sure if this was a compliment or a sales pitch, so I took it as a compliment. Enjoy the little things while they happened.

“Maybe, yeah.”

She flashed me a dazzling smile and handed me a clipboard. “Fill that out and I’ll be with you in a moment.”

“Y-Yeah.” 

What was I, a broken record? Capable of two words a sentence? 

Did that even make up a proper sentence…

I turned and fumbled for a seat.

“And kitten?”

“Yeah?”

“Relax. I don’t bite, not without it being an extra charge.”

I don’t know why, but that kind of did relax me.

I filled out the information, and I was led into the back through a beaded curtain. There were a few chairs for tattoos, but no other customers.

Of course. What sane person would come in right at opening in the middle of the day for a piercing on a Tuesday?

Oh yeah, me, who had been near obsessed since I walked by the shop last spring when visiting the campus. I had even gone in to get a business card, and even then, Isabela (I learned her name from their website and from the multiple silent phone calls I had attempted), had been there.

I bet she didn’t recognize me.

Fuck, of course she wouldn’t, I didn’t even recognize me.

A ragged blonde with a half ponytail was asleep in one of the chairs without a care. Isabela smacked at him and slammed the release on the chair, jerking him awake.

“Anders, go watch the front. I’ve got a virgin here.”

He gave me a head-to-toe look, rubbing at his stubbly chin. His hands were tattooed. One had “JUST” and the other “ICE”. Did he just like ice?

“Do me a favor and if she’s a screamer like the last one, close the door. I still can’t get out that shrill from my ears. Christ, it was just one too,” he mumbled as he shuffled to the front. “Red heads are always screamers, girlfriend howling in laughter the whole time.”

Panic suddenly swept over me as I remembered that there was that little thing called pain in this whole process. 

“It doesn’t hurt that much, does it?”

“Only if you don’t wriggle around and let me do it right.”

God, this all sounded so much filthier then it should have been.

There were little rooms in the back with what looked like old beds doctors would have for check ups. I was instructed to sit and did so, clutching my bag against my chest. Even though it had been over a month since I had dropped all that weight, it didn’t change the fact that I felt like I had a roll of logs bulging out of my shirt.

I watched her move fluidly in the small room. Plain earrings. Disinfectant. Gloves. The needle.

Oh why oh why oh why didn’t I just go to the mall and get it done and over with in a few seconds with one of those ear piercing guns?

Oh that’s right, because I had an obsession with a woman who looked like she got plenty of attention from a bunch of gorgeous people because what was that saying, that gorgeous people mate with gorgeous people and-

Oh God, I watched her pull on that rubber glove like she was pulling on underwear. I have no idea how that was even remotely seductive, but it made me shiver again.

“So you said you were just starting college?”

Good. Words. That’s what the space needed. Words. Words to keep me from staring and salivating like a dog looking at the most perfect mate across the dog park. Did dogs even do that? Or was that just in the romantic movies?

“Uh, yeah, over at Kirkwall.”

She moved over to me and tilted my head to the side, brushing away my hair. 

I felt her fingers even through the gloves and my eyes fluttered close. If this was as good as it ever got, I’d be happy to have that feeling forever snapped in my head.

“I go there too. This is just a part time thing, for books and stuff. What are you majoring in?”

Her voice was so sweet and I felt like I could sleep just listening to it. I wanted to find out where her accent was from, but then again, it felt like it was more mysterious not to know. 

“Haven’t… really decided on that yet.” I felt something dab on my ear, something cold. “My mom wants me to take up business or something, get the family store back together.”

“Not really into it?”

“Not really.” I wanted to open my eyes and look at her. I could feel her words and her breath so close to me, that I could even smell a spicy cinnamon breath mint there.

Did she always suck on those? I bet it would taste amazing on her tongue and…

I felt my face go red again, and resisted turning away. “And, uh, you? What are you majoring in?”

“Auto mechanics. Getting all that general education bull shit out of the way before I go off to a trade school in case it doesn’t work out.”

“Sounds fun.”

She turned my head to the other side, brushing my hair again. I could feel long fingernails under the gloves, but not those talons some women had.

“S-So you… like cars?” 

I was sweating. Could she tell? I clutched the bag tighter.

Isabela chuckled and I felt that cool dab on my ear again. “Love them, kitten. That purr from the motor, the feel of power at your foot. There’s just something about that feeling of being able to go anywhere and everywhere to do whatever you want.”

“Kind of sounds like pirates.”

She chuckled again. “When you think about it that way, sure. The booty part sounds about right too.” 

I felt a surge of confidence swell up inside of me. I made her laugh, oh God, I made her laugh. 

Or maybe she was just being polite.

No, I had made her laugh. I had made the core obsession of my nights laugh at my lame attempt at jokes that dealt with comparisons. 

The confidence quickly began to cool when I felt her move back, and I peeked an eye open. She was taking off the gloves.

“Wait,” she stopped, “what about the piercing?”

“All done, sweet.”

My hand flew up to an ear, wincing slightly. 

But there it was, my first piercing and I hadn’t even felt a thing. 

“You’re amazing.”

_I like you._

Isabela scoffed and tossed the trash into a nearby bin. “Oh if you were the first person to tell me that, but I’m flattered you think that.” 

She gave me a wink.

Did she just…

Yes, oh God, she actually winked at me. Did she wink at other people or was I that special customer who got the winks?

Got the winks, was that even a kink?

Self, stop it, you’re not Dr. Seuss. 

“If I remember correctly, today is the orientation for all of you fresh faces, so you should probably get to it.”

I attempted to slide off the table gracefully and cool while pulling on my bag, but ended up slipping and tripping at the same time and went crashing down, only to catch myself with my elbows on the end.

She rose an eyebrow and I nervously gave her a smile, probably making me out to look like a freakish clown.

God, she probably just thinks I’m a clown. That’s it, I’ve ruined all chances. Good bye, sweet gorgeous lady of the tattoo store who pierced my virgin ears, I will never reappear before you and just dream of your cinnamon breath. I am not worthy.

“Y-Yeah, that… yeah, orientation, yeah.” 

I grabbed the strap of my bag and clutched it tightly as I tried to bolt for the doorway, head lowered as I felt my ears beginning to turn red. 

_Game over, Marian, game over._

I stopped midway though, with my hand on the doorknob. Carefully, I looked over at her and attempted another smile. “Uh, thanks. For the piercing, not making it hurt.”

Isabela smiled and leaned against the table where I had just sat.

_She’s feeling my warm spot._

“If you ever want another one, I’m always working. Just set up an appointment. You were pretty good for a virgin.”

I nodded, feeling the words sort of fade away before quickly dashing out.

It felt like my heart would beat right out of my chest like a monster baby ripping out of someone’s stomach. 

And it was the best feeling.


	2. .002

“You fell off the table.”

I groaned and sank in the moving truck’s passenger seat, covering my face.

“You fell off the table.”

As if hearing it the first time wasn’t enough.

“Yes, Aveline, I fell off the fucking table and made a huge fool of myself. Can we not repeat it for a third time less it actually happen again?”

She remained quiet, but it wasn’t hard to miss the smirk on her lips. I bet she was imagining it as if she was actually there.

Damn her.

Damn her to pieces.

If she hadn’t been my best friend who was moving into the same townhouse with me and two others after we’ve spent the last three years together closer then sisters, I’d have slugged her right then and there.

Well, that and she was driving. 

I hated driving, and only did it when I absolutely had to. It brought up unnecessary memories. Even thinking about it made my skin crawl and my stomach twist into knots.

“Well, it’s not as if you’ll see her again, right?”

I was quiet. I hadn’t really thought about it after I had managed to get home to see all my stuff packed away in the truck and a very sweaty Aveline and Carver there.

God, I could still remember blubbering out a confession to the feisty red head after a three mile run in gym class. That had been an impossible run for me when I was at my old weight. But she had been sweating and tugging at her gray top and I couldn’t help but to just kiss her there.

Funny thing was, she politely declined my offer to date after that, and stayed there when I bawled out my eyes over my broken, fragile junior heart. It had felt like the end then, that I was this weird girl with weird feelings and everyone would see them out there… being weird.

She had told me that it was normal, and that I had just liked the wrong girl. And she didn’t think I was weird and that she was sticking around.

I guess looking back at it now, she probably had a ton of practice with letting girls down. The whole volleyball team had been in love with her. Probably another reason they managed to make it to the state finals in a matter of a year.

I had to wonder how she felt about me gibbering about Isabela. She had mentioned before that it never really bothered her, that she complained about boys to me and I just complained about girls in return.

And she had been there, too, when-

I bit my thumb nail sharply as we turned into a neighborhood, feeling that ball twist and turn in my stomach some more at the thought of  _her_. 

I hadn’t even thought of-

_Nope, we won’t be going down that road._

“Well, we’re here.” 

Aveline parked the car at at the side of road and I peeked out of the window. The neighborhood had houses that were each different from one another, and more then one yard had it’s own recycling center with some tacky pink flamingos. 

But I didn’t care.

I couldn’t help grinning. I was at my new home. A large house with fairly new yellow-fading paint and a shutter or two missing, a surprisingly nice garden at the front and a oddly familiar… hanging on the door.

“Good God, there’s a vagina on the front door,” Aveline gawked. 

We both grabbed duffel bags that we had stuffed with us in the cab and went to the front door. Aveline refused to use the vagina-knocker, and instead rang the door bell.

“Don’t make it so obvious that you’re trying not to make eye contact with it,” I murmured through stifled giggles. 

“Geh, it’s  _watching_  me.”

The door suddenly flew open and a petite girl stood there with the brightest and biggest eyes I had ever seen. She wore a pair of overalls, face splattered with paint.

She grinned at the sight of us. “You two must be the new roommates!” she exclaimed, voice pleasant with a sweet accent. “Aveline and Marian, correct?”

We nodded and were ushered inside, a flood of questions and stories and pleasantries spilling out of the girl.

I really didn’t mind too much, her voice really soothing.

Ugh, soothing voices reminded me of Isabela and that mess of myself I had made.

“Oh! And I’m Merrill, if I forgot to mention that, I think I did mention that. But as you can see, we’ve got a dining room and a living room and a kitchen and a bathroom downstairs. Upstairs are all the rooms. You can pick which ones you want.”

We started up the stairs.

“We really don’t have many rules. Don’t eat someone’s food if they have their name on it. Try to keep showers short since we only have one. If you have boys over, make sure you leave a note on your door and stay safe.”

Aveline sputtered. “Who came up with that?”

Merrill put a finger on her chin, looking up. “That would probably be Isabela’s rule.”

I sputtered this time.

There could have been more then one Isabela, right?

Just a coincidence, right?

Right?

“Kitten, have you seen my black panties? The ones with the bedazzled cat on the right cheek?”

I tightened my hand on my duffle bag, breathing in sharply. 

That accent.

_That accent._

That caramel skinned beauty popped out of a nearby bathroom wearing just a towel around her with little care to her… assets jiggling about, wet dark hair clinging to her face like she gave no fucks about it.

I felt my face go red hot, hotter then it had when I had fallen off the fucking table.

“Oh, kitten, who are these? New roommates?”

“Yes, and Isabela, get some clothes on!”

“My panties, Merrill, I can’t find them. I have a special date that I want to wear them for.” 

Those honey eyes caught mine and her whole face lit up. 

Oh God.

Oh God.

Oh God.

She recognized me.

She’s looking right at me while wearing nothing but a towel, with the fresh scent of minty shampoo and my brain couldn’t function to find out what kind of scent was her body-wash.

“You’re the-“

“Y-Yeah.”

“How are your ears?”

“Y….Yeah.”

She raised an eyebrow again. Fuck, she was sexy when she rose her eyebrow like that, even though I probably was staring and-

“I think I was washing them with my tights, go and check the laundry.”

“Thanks, kitten.” Isabela kissed Merrill’s cheek like it was the easiest thing to do, and sauntered down the stairs passed us.

A wink.

I saw it.

Or had I imagined it.

_Got the winks._

“And that is Isabela,” Merrill chimed in, as if what had just happened was perfectly normal. “She’s a bit strange, but we’ve all been a little strange here. We had a roommate once, a guy at that, who had the most sexiest of voices, like salsa almost! Which is weird comparing him to food but anyway, he had the strangest fascination with leather… Never heard Isabela giggle like that.”

I felt my chest tighten.

Of course she had been with someone. If I had a great body like that and that silky voice and that carefree attitude, I’d probably have a little fun myself.

Maybe I could, with the fresh start…

“Anyway, after he left we went back to a strict girls only policy. Got a bit messy with both him and Isabela being here. Still can’t get some stains out of the carpet and some other things. I have no idea how they got to some places…”

“Ugh, I hope it’s not in our rooms,” Aveline grumbled.

“Oh no, it was in the kitchen,” Merrill said as if that was any better.

“Peachy.”

* ~ * ~ *

It took a couple of hours to unload the truck and get things unpacked, but as I fell into my bed, I was content that we had managed to accomplish so much.

Merrill had gone with Aveline in her car as she dropped off the truck, and pizza was promised upon their return. So the house was mine.

I was alone in the house.

I rolled to my back, staring up at the ceiling with my arms behind my head. I glanced to the door, able to see Isabela’s closed door.

She hadn’t been home since disappearing after finding her… special panties.

I groaned, pushing up my glasses to the top of my head. 

My heart was racing and beating uncontrollably and twisting and turning and all these once familiar emotions started bubbling up. 

It was way worse then when I had liked Aveline, and even worse then-

I wasn’t sure how to feel at this moment. 

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to react.

The woman I had practically stalked for months, who had taken my ear virginity, I was living with her now. And within the day of this discovery, she had practically been…

Fuck, she had practically been naked.

It wasn’t just the fact that she was bare, but the fact that she was bare and so confident with herself. That dazzling smile. That voice.

I rolled onto my stomach, stuffing my face into a pillow that still smelled of home.

How was one supposed to keep going in this sort of situation? 

Sure, I had been promoted from fumbling girl who had fallen off a table to now girl who stares at roommates in their towels, but just how.

I slid from the bed and rolled onto the floor, unable to look away from that closed door.

A quick peek wouldn’t hurt. I wouldn’t touch anything, or any of that other stuff creepers would do in people’s rooms. Just open the door, glance around, and close it before anyone was any wiser.

I fixed my glasses and sat up, biting my bottom lip.

Yeah, this was easy, yeah!

I stood and padded quickly across the hall, pausing to listen down the stairs for any of the others.

Finding it clear, I swallowed and approached the door.

My hands felt sweaty.

Damn, why was I always sweaty?

I wiped them on my pants and ever so gently opened the door, holding my breath and squeezing my eyes, expecting some kind of wire to be tripped and daggers to go flying into my head.

Finding no alarms tripped, I breathed out a sigh of relief and opened my eyes.

It was surprisingly simple and not as messy as I had imagined.

I don’t know why I imagined her as messy…

Anyway, there were a few posters of bands and cars, some with bands on cars, on the walls. A dresser had a mirror that I guessed she used as a vanity with the piles of makeup cluttered on it. Clothes were busting out of the dresser as well as the nearby closet.

Okay, well maybe she was pretty messy.

The bed caught my eye next. She had managed to squeeze a queen size in the room, with blankets and sheets and stray clothing in a tangled ball.

I could see her wrapped up in the blankets, hair a mess without a care. She was probably a heavy sleeper, and a pillow hugger.

My heart started to go crazy again, pounding in my ears.

Just imaging being there with her, talking late at night for hours on end. Talking about little things, talking about big things, talking about the past. 

Touching and playing with her hands.

Having my hair teased.

To fall asleep to her voice.

“Shit, I’m creepy,” I laughed.

I turned to leave the room feeling my stalker meter filled, only to have my foot catch on something on the floor.

“Sagging tits, I’m shot!”

Having a set of younger twins for siblings, we had fun over the summer coming up with games. Some of them stuck, too, like yelling out random shit when we fell or doing jazz hands at the security cameras.

I crashed into the ground, curling into a ball of pain as the stars passed from my eyes. 

I grabbed whatever had tripped me and instantly regretted it.

A bra that could hold canons dangled from my hand. It was lacy and black, with a gold underlining.

I wish I had ben mature enough to put it back and leave the room.

I wish I was even creepy enough to squeeze the cups.

But no.

I slammed it on top of my head like a hat without thinking, tying it under my chin. I popped up on my feet before crouching low, like I was some stealthy fucking ninja.

“Come in, commander. What is your position?”

“I have infiltrated the enemies’ hide out, but have not run into anyone. I’m am proceeding with caution.”

“No wait, commander, behind you!”

“OH GOD, I’M UNDER ATTACK. THEY’RE EVERYWHERE.”

I clutched my chest dramatically.

“Commander, commander?! Come in, commander! COMANDERRRRR”

The light in the room flicked on mid-cry and mid-sinking onto her bed, lost in the reenactment.

I looked to the door, lowering my hand from the air.

“I think you’ve been spotted, commander,” Isabela said, obviously trying to hold back giggles as she leaned against the doorway.

I fumbled and staggered to my feet, quickly going for the door. “Sorry, I got… lost, searching for the bathroom.”

She grabbed my arm and I looked to her slowly, nervously.

Her hand was warm on my skin, and the longer it was there, the hotter it burned.

“I would appreciate it, commander, if you didn’t scurry off with my favorite bra.”

I froze, feeling all emotions, all respect for myself, drain out of me like an infected wound.

She untied it from under my chin and tugged it free, smiling as she did so. “You have siblings?”

I nodded. I felt like the Tin Man who needed oil.

“T.. twins, in middle school, wait, no, high school now. They thought it was… a hat when they were younger. Not so much now, since she’s wearing them and he’s trying to get girls out of them and shit, I’m rambling.”

Isabela laughed, shaking her head. “You’re an adorable one, commander, and I’m glad to get more then a ‘yeah’ out from you.” She twirled the bra around her finger. “You can play with my bras all you want, as long as you put them back, got it? My room is open to you for anything, except the vibrators. Strict policy not to share them with roommates since that incident.”

I blanched.

Did I want to know…?

“Oh, and if you do have a tumble in my bed, launder the sheets at least like a dear.”

I had been shot brain dead.

_Pew pew._

_Bam bam._

_Come in, commander. Your life signal is lost._

I felt like I was underwater, faintly hearing Aveline and Merrill coming back.

“I…uh..”

Isabela turned her head. “Yes?”

_I like you…_

_I like you even more then when I first saw you and thought it couldn’t happen ever again…_

_I’m liking you more that you didn’t think me wearing your bra on my head was weird and gross and creepy…_

“I’m going to go… unpack. Sorry about.. y-yeah.”

_Shit, Marian, stop with the yeahs._

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against my forehead.

I could smell… lavender body wash mixed in with a rather fruity body spray, and her spicy gum. I didn’t even notice that tight dress that squeezed and molded her in all the right places.

Wait.. I was smelling her when I should have been focusing on the fact she’s kissing me, lips on my forehead! Touching me!

Sure, she had kissed Merrill too, but-

“You just need to relax, commander,” she murmured softly. “I know it must be scary living on your own, but just relax. Go with the flow of your emotions.”

I stared at the floor, warmed by her kindness.

_Stop being so nice to me._

_I’ll only like you more._


	3. .003

I managed to not make a fool of myself for the rest of the week and weekend, focusing on my room and fighting with Aveline at my side for text books among other freshman in what seemed to be the only bookstore for Kirkwall students.

I had even managed to put in a few job applications here and there.

Even though my mom was willing to pay for what I needed, I couldn’t rely on her too much. She worked too hard, and on top of that, had to wrangle two teenagers without me there to help her.

I remember her mentioning my father as we left, how he was better at giving “the talk” and how she had no idea how to do it. 

She talked about him a lot, and it was comforting.

I could see him in my room with two of my Barbies, trying to explain “the talk” to me. I didn’t completely understand it then, and instead just asked what was wrong with just loving my friends.

His smile had been so warm, telling me I could if I wanted to, as long as they loved and cared for me back.

Isabela’s smile was like his.

Warm and soothing…

“Earth to Marian, come in, Marian.”

I sat up quickly, snapping out of my thoughts. “What?”

Aveline sighed, chewing on her straw as she stared at me. “If I knew you’d be off day-dreaming of-“

“Shut up.”

“Ooh? Marian likes someone?” Merrill chirped. “Is it someone I know?”

I shot a glare at Aveline and kicked her shin under the table.

We had managed to survive the first few classes and had time to kill before our last one. Aveline and my schedule was similar for the most part with the general courses. Merrill had found us and suggested hanging out at a nearby coffee place, Chantry Coffee.

It was nice and open, with a steady flow of students. The coffee was good too, and the food decent for the price.

I had spent most of my time watching one of the baristas with the strangest white tattoos and dark skin. Well, more like watched him and the blue-eyed Scottish beauty have eye-sex when they passed each other behind the counter.

“Oh please tell me who it is you like,” Merrill continued to prod, batting those eyelashes with her amazingly huge eyes. They could like, stare into your very soul, like Puss in Boots.

I shook my head, tearing into my sandwich. “It’s not that big of a deal,” I said through a mouth full of food. “Probably not gonna work out anyway.”

“She didn’t even give them a chance,” Aveline sighed.

I swallowed down the food and stared at her. “Says the one who went to mush when they saw the TA that we have for politics.”

The redhead went almost as red as her hair. “That’s different.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t see the difference.”

“He’s a TA! That’s the difference!”

“Ooh? Which one?” Merrill asked, leaning forward.

“I’m not telling.”

I put a hand to my forehead, faking a swoon. “Oooh, Mr. Donnic.”

“Marian, shut up!”

“Oh look, Aveline, my shirt just opened!”

“Marian! I swear I’ll tell her-“

“Oooh, Aveline, come-“

“She likes Isabela!”

I choked on spit, gaping in horror. 

Aveline leaned back with a satisfied smirk and Merrill only clapped her hands happily. “That is so sweet! You’ve only just met her and-“

“Ugh, no, I’ve… liked her for awhile,” I interrupted. Might as well spill it since it was out there. “I saw her at where she works over the summer and…” I covered my face with both hands, inhaling the scent of my sandwich. “It’s pathetic.”

I felt her hand on my shoulder and when I peeked at her, there was no mocking look to her adorable face. “Love at first sight isn’t pathetic, it’s really sweet.” She smiled sweetly. “I won’t tell anyone.” She put a finger to her lips. “I promise. But you shouldn’t give up right away. Isabela is a real romantic deep down on the inside.”

For a moment, there, I really caught a glimmer of hope.

With the sound of the bell over the door, Aveline suddenly sank deep in her chair, pulling her hoody over her head. “Oh shit, oh shit.”

Both Merrill and I looked over to see who had walked in, stifling giggles at the sight of the TA in the flesh. He noticed me and waved, and I waved back, before he went to the counter.

“Bow chikka wow-wow. Does someone got a pretty little crush?”

I froze at the sound of Isabela’s voice, turning back to see her leaned over Aveline’s shoulder.

“Like right out of a romance novel. He’s pretty young, you know,” she purred.

For a brief moment, our eyes met and I felt like someone had jolted me with electricity, locking me into place. 

She looked incredibly beautiful today, with a square cut, bright blue long sleeve shirt and a long gold locket hanging from her neck. The big gold earrings were replaced with playful snakes that crept along the shell of her ears. It seemed like any color popped right off from her beautiful caramel skin, and she knew what looked right.

And in another moment, I saw that same bra I had tripped over peek from her shirt, and I looked away before she could catch me.

“Oh, look at the time, I’ve got a class.” Merrill stood up, wrapping her sandwich wrap and stuffing it into her bag. “Don’t tease them too much, Isabela. We want them to actually pay their part of the rent.”

Isabela waved her off and I watched her take Merrill’s seat in an easy glide, much to Aveline’s disapproval. She leaned her elbow on the table, propping her chin on her hand. 

“You should go for it,” she continued to purr to Aveline.

“P… pardon?”

“Go for the TA. Make it clear that you’re not after a better grade. He’s a man before a TA, appeal to his… needs.”

Aveline groaned and readjusted her hoody, though I could see her eyes watching Donnic who was waiting for his order. “I’m not taking advice from someone who runs around in a towel.”

Isabela scoffed, slim fingers stealing one of my potato chips from my plate. 

“If you really think lowly of me for a simple mistake, then I would advise you to change that attitude now that you’re in college.” She lifted it to her mouth, letting it stick to her tongue before it disappeared into her mouth. “This isn’t high school where drama can come up with just a simple slip of a tit or having a little fun. This is your time to live a little.”

She licked her lips and slid her eyes to look at me, and I quickly looked away. 

Just that simple action…

I nervously grabbed my cold green tea drink and sipped it, keeping myself from letting the wave of “yeahs” to be streaming out.

“I’ve only just saw him. I’m not going to leap-“

“But isn’t that the thrill of it?” Isabela leaned forward towards Aveline. “That rush of emotions when you see someone for the first time, like they stole away your heart with just a look? You know, that whole love at sight deal? Or do you not believe in that and think it’s beneath you?”

Aveline tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, staring at the table. 

I knew that she believed in it. She had felt it when she had met Wesley in eighth grade. They had been sweethearts all through high school until he had been killed in a car accident. It had been tragic for everyone in Lothering High, and sent Aveline to work herself to beat the grief with volleyball and getting top grades.

Maybe the fact that she was so hesitant was because of Wesley.

Maybe we were just a pair of lost girls lost in the past.

“I don’t need to be focusing on that love business anyway,” Aveline mumbled, standing up. “I came here to study, not to-“

Isabela lifted a leg and kicked the redhead forward.

She launched and stumbled into the unsuspecting TA.

“-fall, o-oh! M… Mr. Donnic. S-Sorry, about… er, falling, stood up a bit too… quickly.”

Aveline shot both of us glares and we quickly looked away.

“You’re evil, you know that?” I asked her under my breath. “She’s going to hate you forever now.”

Isabela grinned and stole another chip. “She’ll thank me for giving her the push she needs. Better he knows she exists then she staring at him from a distance.”

It seemed oddly accurate to my situation and I cleared my throat. 

“Do you really believe in it?” I blurted out.

She nibbled on the chip, blinking slowly. “Believe in what?”

I pulled on the ends of my hair, suddenly wishing that it was long again and I could hide behind it. “Love at first sight.”

She hummed. “As long as you do something about it. Life is too short to just be in the love closet forever, especially when you could be out getting a good bang from someone you won’t remember in the morning.”

Isabela leaned to her other hand, leaning in to me with a coy smile. 

“Don’t tell me that you’re in her situation?”

I put up both hands as I felt a nervous laugh tear out of me. “Of course not.”

“So you don’t have someone you’re… lusting after?”

“N-Not really, no.”

“Not really indicates that there’s someone who has part of a really in there. Come on, speak up, what are they like? Tell the love-guru Isabela everything, all the sweet and naughty bits, but preferably the naughty ones.”

The nerves started to pump into me and “yeahs” started to flutter into my brain, cluttering it up.

Could I actually do this?

Maybe it would be better to just flat out tell her, right then and there, pull the same trick I had pulled on Aveline?

Dammit it all, when did I become such a fucking chicken? I used to be braver then this when I was younger. I didn’t give a shit after coming out to Aveline, so why did I care now?

“They’ve got really nice… hands.”

“Hands.” It wasn’t a question, but more like a statement.

I nodded, pushing up my glasses as I twisted my drink between my own hands. “Really warm hands, that make me feel all hot when they touch me.”

“Ooh, so you’re close with them.”

I shook my head. “Not really.” 

I glanced up, feeling that shock wave again meeting those honey eyes.

I felt like I could melt away in them forever.

“But from the little time I’ve spent with them, they’ve been… cavity creating nice, which makes it hard to have these feelings.”

I couldn’t believe I was doing this.

“And they’re confident, comfortable in their own skin, and just oozes out power.”

She gave me a smile. “The way you’re talking about them is giving  _me_  cavities. Are you sure you’re  not just talking about yourself?”

The cup twisted out of my hands and I felt a really awkward snort come from my nose.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

She fished out a compact from her purse and flipped it open, holding it up to my face.

All I saw was a flushed out face with an awkward hair cut covered with a loose hat and glasses that would have suited anyone other then me. High school grade level makeup and ears that burned red from constantly tugging on them.

“You. Are. Gorgeous, commander.”

I pushed the compact away.

“Don’t be a tease.”

Isabela frowned and snapped it shut, slamming it on the table.

Before I could react, she had my face in between both of her hands and her lips were on my own, taking me by complete surprise.

This wasn’t a kiss on the forehead to calm me down.

This wasn’t a kiss on the cheek for remembering where her bedazzled panties were.

This was a full on lip to lip kiss.

My eyes fluttered close and I resisted the urge to kiss her back.

Damn, I really…  _really_  wanted to kiss her back.

Should I?

There wouldn’t be any harm in it.

Her lips were incredibly soft…

Right?

Yet as soon as I gathered to courage to return it, she pulled away, hovering close.

“Commander, you are gorgeous,” she repeated softly. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently, or I’ll shove a boot up so far  up their ass, they’ll shit out shoe polish for a week.”

I laughed, chewing on my lip. It still tingled with her presence, engrained into my memory.

“So have some of the same confidence like this person you ogle over. You’d be surprised where it gets you.”

Do it.

Do it.

Do it, Marian Hawke.

“I-“

A tango ringtone belted out from Isabela’s pocket and she fished out her phone, eyes brightening when she saw the ID. “Tell me what’s on your mind after this? I’ll make it quick.”

I shook my head, forcing my shaking hands to pick up my bag. “Don’t worry about it,” I assured her. “I’ve got to get to class anyway.”

I looked over to Aveline who had managed to not explode from talking with Donnic, and gave her a ‘I gotta get out of here’ look. 

“Remember what I said, commander. Just do it and think about the consequences later.”

_Oh, if it were only that easy._


	4. .004

When I ran in the mornings, I had all the confidence in the world.

_”_ _♪_ ♫ _I got passion in my pants…”_

I was out and about before the sun even peeked over all the mismatched houses and the pink flamingo yards.

_“And I ain’t afraid to show it._ _♪_ ♫”

It was just the road, blaring music, and me.

_”_ _♪_ ♫ _I’m sexy and I know it.”_

Kind of like that part in that one movie where they talked about the road didn’t care what you looked like.  _What Women Want,_ except that I couldn’t hear the thoughts of women, even though I could really,  _really_  use that right now.

_“_ _When I’m at the beach, I’m in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks…_ _♪_ ♫ _”_

I screeched to a stop, trying to catch my breath. “What?”

I fished out my iPod from my bra strap, and after wiping away the sweat, squinted to look at the playlist.

**TRACK** : I’m Sexy and I Know It

**ARTIST** : LMFAO

**ALBUM** : From Isabela, To Boost Your Confidence. SING IT LOUD, COM.

Admittedly, I’m pretty much a zombie for the first couple of miles, just listening for the sake of listening, and only really pay attention when I’m on my way back for my shower.

I cycled through all the songs, breathless giggles falling out.

**TRACK** : Too Sexy for My Shirt

**TRACK** : Bringing Sexy Back

**TRACK** : Sexy Bitch

**TRACK** : I’m Perfect

**TRACK** : Sexy

**TRACK** :  Pretty Young Thing

**TRACK** : Just the Way You Are

**TRACK** : I Kissed a Girl (And Liked It)

I stared at that one, unsure of what to make of it.

Was it a sign?

Or did she know and was just telling me to be more confident? 

Or maybe it was a sign?

I turned off the iPod and rolled the earbud wires around it, stopping when I heard a whimper.

I tilted my head to the side, holding my breath to hear more keenly. 

A whimper. Definitely a whimper.

I started off in the direction of the sound, rubbing my arms as the chill of the morning started to set in. 

I spotted a cluster of trashcans decorating the side of the road and something moving among them. 

Reaching out with my foot, I moved a black bag that hadn’t made it into the overflowing bin, and jumped back with my hands up, ready to karate chop any bum that may pop out or killer mutant babies.

A tiny puppy head poked up, blinking sleepily. It looked to me before yawning. 

I looked around, wondering who in the world would leave a puppy in the trash. 

The house the trash was in front of looked almost condemned, like whoever had lived there had suddenly just abandoned it. A party gone wrong? There had been flashing lights last night…

I got onto my hands and knees to get lower, trying not to frighten the thing. I crawled towards it and held out my hand.

It’s tiny jaws latched onto my hand and I winced. 

“Dog, you’ve got some bite there,” I grumbled, prying my hand free and lifting the tiny thing up. 

It had no collar and looked like it could use a meal and a bath. I went to check the dog’s gender, when it latched onto my nose.

“Fucking tits, that hurts!”

I tried to tug it off and it only clutched tighter, growling almost playfully!

“Come on, be nice to auntie Marian and just-“ 

I pulled some more.

“Let-“

It clamped tighter.

“Go!”

When something is hurting you, pull it like a bandaid, my mom would tell me. 

I wish there had been a side note or a foot note or some kind of note that pulling dogs from flesh did not exactly do that trick to justice.

I felt it skin tearing from my face in tear inducing pain. The scent of blood and sweat filled my nose and I sat there, in this weird squatting position, as I tried to blink back the tears.

The puppy barked playfully, tugging and pulling at my shirt.

Even though I really liked my nose, I felt really sympathetic to the puppy when it started shaking.

—-

“It  _stinks_.”

“It’s adorable!”

“It seems to like you, commander.”

Several nips, bites and growls later, I had managed to get the puppy home just in time to have Merrill shriek at the bloody mess on my face, which in turn woke everyone up.

Isabela had been the one to volunteer to clean and fix up my nose, in which I used wrangling the wriggling beast to distract myself from my active imagination brought to life. 

As well as to keep him from eating another stuffed animal. Aveline’s fluffy, floppy rabbit had suffered mass casualties.

Isabela definitely had messy hair in the morning, like I had pictured, and she wore a large t-shirt over loose pants. Even without all that makeup, she was just as gorgeous. 

No, she was even more gorgeous and beautiful and radiant and-

The sting of disinfectant and a bite on the hand brought me back to reality. 

“So what are we going to do about him?” Merrill asked, crouched on the floor next to me, attempting to get the puppy’s attention by wiggling a finger.

_Oh please, little beast, don’t bite off her finger. She talks with that finger, and really likes using her hand and would probably scream so loud and-_

“We should keep it,” Isabela said. She dabbed and cleaned away the blood before sliding a bandaid over my nose. “Ever since Zev moved out, there’s been a lack of men in the household to protect us, and this guy is more then good enough, even at his size.”

“He practically murdered Mr. Sandal! He’ll never be the same,” Aveline hissed.

“It only shows that he’s got bite to go with his bark.” Isabela picked up the puppy, smothering it with kisses as he tried to lick her back.

_Don’t bite her either… please, don’t bite her or rip out her piercing._

“Are we even allowed to have pets?” I asked, looking to Merrill.

The dainty girl shuffled to the coffee maker to pour herself a cup, fluffy dog slippers squeaky with every step. “It doesn’t say we can’t have one in our contracts, and Anders did have that cat when he lived here. Flemeth said she didn’t care as long as we kept the place from crumbling.”

I looked to Aveline, giving her my best pleading eyes. 

“I’ll take care of him, I promise.”

The redhead squeezed the bandaged rabbit to chest, frowning. “No-“

“I’ll train him and keep him from chewing up anything.”

Well, that was probably more of a lie, but I would  _attempt_ to train him.

“Marian-“

“Please, please, please, Aveline.”

“We just started to-“

“That TA that you fancy,” Isabela started, “has a part-time job down at the Guard Post next to Chantry Coffee.” I could hear Aveline’s mouth snap shut with the mention of Donnic.

I looked to Isabela who continued to pepper the puppy with attention. “And I just happened to over-hear from someone at The Hanged Man, that they were hiring. Not making it public quite yet, they don’t want to get a storm of new students.”

“Bribing me-“

“You should see him lifting all those books, sometimes his shirts can’t contain it.”

It was like watching a tennis match, and Aveline was beginning to wear down.

“I don’t see-“

“All those girls, fawning over him. If you worked there, you’d have the chance to talk to him outside of school, and to glare away all the girls. Just imagine, when it’s next semester, you’d have a greater chance being close to him and all.”

Strike and point.

Even though it took Aveline some time to accept that she had feelings for someone, once she locked her sights, she would go after them. She liked to think she was sly, but it was painfully obvious for everyone to see her fail at wooing them. 

Like that one time she stared down a guy at our lunch table until he moved seats for the rest of the year. She had called it giving good eye contact to show she was interested.

“Marian can’t watch and take care of a puppy all the time. We’ve got classes during the day.”

Isabela dropped the puppy back onto my lap. “We’ll let him stay in the laundry room, and he won’t go but a couple of hours without one of us here.”

I could see Aveline thinking about it, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“I know someone who works at the Post, could talk to him to give you a recommendation. You’d have the job by next week if you apply today.”

Check and mate.

“As long as he doesn’t chew up my things…”

Merrill clapped her hands happily. “We should think of a name for him! And get him a collar and a bed and a cute little sweater for when it gets cold!”

He’d probably shred it before it ever touched him, but I didn’t want to ruin her high hopes.

“What about… Barkspawn?” Aveline tried.

“That’s not a very nice name,” Merrill replied, sipping her coffee. “Giuseppe?”

“Merrill, were you up late studying again?” She was a history major, I had found out quick enough. Those books were as heavy as she was, I bet. Isabella stole her mug and sipped from it herself. “If I can’t spell it, then let’s not consider it.”

“What about Jake?” I asked.

Okay, so I may have a little obsession with that cartoon show, Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. But who could resist it? The pointless humor and action, the adventures, the way Finn was so eager to protect his friends? That blatant shipping of the Bubblegum Princess and the Vampire Queen?

“Well, it’s not a bad name, and it is your dog, commander.” Isabela started towards the stairs, taking the coffee cup with her. “But I’m making you go bra shopping with me if he chews up anything of mine, got it?”

I grinned and winced when he bit me again.

“I’ve been wondering, why does she call you commander?”

My grin stuck in place with Merrill’s question.

Quick. 

What do I do?

Tell her a lie?

Lie to sweet Merrill who has been sweeter then Pixy Sticks…?

Tell her the truth?

About how I was caught playing shot down by enemies with Isabela’s bra on my head…?

“W… why does she call you kitten?”

_Good! Smart! Good, smart thinking, Marian!_

I had successfully stunned Merrill as she put a finger to her chin in thought. 

“I never really thought about that. Isabela does have a way with finding nicknames for people. But I just feel like yours has a story or-“

“Oh, would you look at the time!” I shot up from my seat, getting a very irritated growl from Jake as he had just found the perfect spot to burrow into my stomach. “If I don’t get ready, Aveline won’t drive me to class. Would you look after the dog while I’m away?”

I pushed the wriggling Jake into her hands and she blinked those big gorgeous eyes at me, clearly confused. 

I ran up the stairs and flung off my pajamas with a sigh of relief. 

Crisis averted, commander.

 


	5. .005

“Bullshit!”

I looked up from my doodle of a rather impressive looking Jake as a huge monster on my notes, to see my Women’s Literature instructor, staring rather menacingly at redhead that wasn’t about to back down any time soon. 

If I remembered right, her name was Leliana, and had the most hypnotic voice whenever she questioned Pentaghast’s theories.

But then again, Leliana had a really active imagination about things.

Amusing imagination, though.

“This is the fifth grandfather you’ve claimed to have died already. I’m not taking any more of your bullshit excuses. You turn in your paper by next week, or I’m failing you. Got it?”

Aveline came rushing back into the large lecture hall, and I watched her slyly slide her freshly printed report onto the instructor’s desk while she was distracted.

Okay, so maybe there had been a case of “my dog ate my homework” that had happened early this morning. Aveline had actually gotten pretty attached to Jake and had let him sleep in her room.

Big mistake.

Not only was Mr. Sandal injured once again, but her assignment and, incidentally enough, all the paper in her printer.

So maybe training Jake was a bit harder than I thought.

And maybe I was more inclined to let him chew on a pair of shoes then to have him beat me down with puppy eyes when I actually did get to training him.

I already felt guilty enough that he had avoided me for two days when we went to get his shots and everything. I had to bait him with treats and cuddles and let him gnaw my hand for revenge.

I rubbed my nose where a nice scab was forming. Isabela had said that it would leave a scar. 

Aveline rushed up to where I was sitting, fishing out her keys. “If we hurry, we can beat the traffic back. You’d think living so close, it would be a short drive.”

I gave her a cynical look. It had been three weeks since the puppy discovery, and last week, we had discovered that a certain TA got out of class at the same time we did so he could make his way to his second job, the same job, as Isabela had promised, that Aveline now had with just a recommendation.

“Go on ahead, I’ve gotta put in an application.” I started to pack up my things.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, the walk home is nothing compared to my run. Go on, before he slips away.” 

She reached up and gave me a one armed hug, her others cradling her books. “You’ll find a job soon enough, don’t worry.”

I smiled to her. “Go on before I kick you like Isabela.”

She ran down the stairs and out of the lecture hall in a flash of red.

The shots, food and other things for Jake had really burned a hole in my pocket. All the spending money for the month was gone, and it was just the beginning of September. And what was worse, Bethany had texted me that Carver had broken his arm in a fist fight.

So that ruled out asking for any more money because I had been too nice to a vagabond puppy who was destroying everything and got away with it with a little whine.

I zipped up the backpack and slung it on, shouldering my messenger bag. I wasn’t much of a purse person, to be honest, more of ‘let’s carry another bag with a fancy design and use it like a purse’ person.

I weaved and squeezed by the mass of people in the halls, making my way towards the food court at the core of the campus. As much as I detested the idea of fast food for college students, I really had no other option.

Chantry Coffee had been fully staffed since summer.

Aveline had snatched up the only open place at The Guard Post.

Isabela said they really didn’t need anyone at The Hanged Man.

And Merrill had admitted that the library really didn’t need anyone with computers replacing most of the staff.

I stared up at one of my last resorts: The Airy Shock.

It was one of those strange drink places, that had smoothies and teas and foreign coffee and snacks that most of the “hipsters” dined. I had been adamant about actually applying there, mostly for the fact that the manager and staff all seemed to come from a land of body builders.

But Jake needed a bowl that wasn’t plastic, and a toy that wasn’t Mr. Sandal.

I straightened out both of my bags and marched up to the counter where one of the large staffed workers sat, a book close to his face. 

He looked up at me and closed the book slowly, staring at me with the most brilliant vibrant eyes through thick glasses. He also had pale dreads, that oddly fitted his darker complexion.

“Do you need something?”

I slid the application, already filled, onto the counter. “I was wondering if I could give this to a manager.”

He didn’t say anything, just stared at me with those fierce eyes. I felt like I was shrinking from 5’10 to nothing.

“You don’t look like a student.”

“Er, I am. I just started here.”

The cashier sighed and stood. “I’ll get him.”

He disappeared into the back and I nervously looked around. 

The Help Wanted sign was starting to tear and someone had drawn a little penis on it along with some other vulgar words. I had heard horror stories from classmates that working there was like a death trap.

And I was beginning to see what they meant when the manager stepped out. 

This guy was far larger than the cashier, and his red shirt could barely contain him. He had gold piercings all along his ears, and some clasps. 

I swallowed.

Or tried to, at least.

“You are looking for a job?” he asked, not even bothering to exchange pleasantries.

I nodded, holding up the application. “If there are any openings, I’d like to be considered.”

He went silent. 

What was with these guys with the stare downs and the long silences? Was there something in the food that made them get to be big and mean?

He crossed his arms. “No.”

_Wait, did he just-_

I pointed to the sign. “But it says that you’re-“

“We’re not hiring,” he interrupted. “We’re not hiring anyone who doesn’t have work experience.”

And how did he know I didn’t have work experience?

“I can promise you that-“

“We don’t hire, unless you have work experience.”

“If you could just-“

“No.”

And with that, he turned and disappeared into the back, and the cashier returned to his seat with the book.

I had been rejected before he had even looked at my application!

I sucked in my cheeks and spun on my heels, marching out of the food court while crumbling up the application. 

My eyes burned with frustrated tears.

I wanted to run. To peel off the bags and my sweatshirt and just run until I collapsed.

I know I shouldn’t be this upset, but it had just been a sudden and severe left turn, and I had just skidded into a wall.

I managed to get outside, and somehow made the tears retreat.

I had gone through worse in the last year, and this was nothing, I told myself. I had lost a ton of weight and completely transformed myself from health risk to healthy.

I was  _fucking sexy._

I fished out my iPod from my pocket and jammed in the earbuds. The playlist Isabela had hijacked was still there, and I played it, jamming it to max.

Bethany had been the kind of younger sister who didn’t like to cry. When our father had died, she didn’t cry even then. 

So, as the weird older sister, I made her act like we were at a catwalk, posing in ridiculous poses right there in the church away from the others. 

She had been against it at first, but after a few poses and laps, she was fully into it. And by the time the tape had ended, she was howling in laughter before it became tears.

She had told me, then, that dad had told her not to cry unless they were happy tears. That no man, no woman, or friend, or stranger, or anyone, including herself, was allowed to get her down.

I took those words to heart now as I strutted down the sidewalk towards home. No one existed by the music and me.

Who gave a damn about the ~Airy Shock~?  _Especially_  when they had a ridiculous name like that! I’d get a job so better than their crappy place, that they would be begging to have me work there.

I felt myself starting to laugh out loud, almost crazily instead of the tears.

Maybe I had lost it, but it felt good. It felt refreshing. It-

A loud car horn blasted through my music and I jumped, clutching my chest. 

I paused the music and looked around to see if I had crossed the street at a diagonal or about to catwalk strut off a bridge.

No one was there, except Isabela grinning at me from the driver’s side of her Datsun 240z.

I went red as I realized she had probably, no, that she had watched me acting like a complete fool.

Minus points in love. Plus points in clown. My scorecard was starting to look really good for the friends zone for eternity.

“Having fun?” she asked, clearly amused. 

The words locked up in my throat, so I just nodded.

A roll of thunder shook me and I looked up to the sky. The clouds were starting to get dark, the smell of rain suddenly hitting me with the gust of wind.

“Get in, I’ll drive you home.”

I looked back to her. “Don’t you have work?”

“Day off. I’ve got something later I gotta take care of.”

I knew arguing with her would be pointless. She was incredibly stubborn, and I would get tired just watching her and Aveline butt heads with one another, mostly about shower usage.

I went to the other side of the Datsun and climbed in, buckling myself tight. “Uhm, thanks.”

“It’s nothing, commander. Us ladies got to stick together. Can’t have you missing class because I let you get caught in the rain.” She started down the road. “Unless you were planning to do a number from  _Singing in the Rain_.”

I laughed at that, knowing full well how silly I looked when I danced.

I noticed that she was fairly dressed up today for a day off- a nice blouse with a pencil skirt. Her usual loud earrings were gone and most of her piercings, leaving just the one at her chin. I still had no idea what that was called.

“So that little dance.”

I buried my face into my bags, groaning. “Why do you always catch me at my worse? It’s like someone purposefully writing my life for you to catch me.”

Isabela laughed, patting my back with one hand. “There’s nothing to worry about. It was amusing.”

But I didn’t  _want_  to be  _amusing_.

I looked to the side and sat up quickly, noticing a guitar in the back. “You play?”

Not only was this a good chance to divert her attention from me, but maybe I would learn something about my crush.

“What?”

“Guitar, there’s an electric guitar back there. Are you in-“

“Gracious no, commander. I go after band guys, not play with them. Well, I used to go after them..”

I pushed up my glasses, wondering why the mention of the guitar had made that cheerful grin disappear. She must have had in the back for a reason, right?

Minutes passed in silence except the soft music I recognized from the shop, and the rumble of the car. She had taken the long route home, away from the traffic that surrounded campus. It was surprisingly scenic, with the ocean far into the distance.

“It’s my… ex’s guitar,” she finally spoke, low and quiet. “I dated exclusively for awhile, and met this guy. He was the leader of this pretty popular band in a city a couple of hours from here. Great voice, great body.”

I felt my chance percentages getting slimmer and slimmer. Merrill had said Isabela sometimes brought girls home or messed around at parties, but she had never mentioned a relationship.

“But he had the shittiest personality you could imagine. Controlling and… mean. When we dated, he wanted to control what I wore and how I acted. At first, I thought it was pretty cool, dating this guitarist while the other girls just glared at me, so I went with it. But that quickly wore off when he started doing that shit for months and months. It got really old, really fast.”

I watched her as she spoke, as her hands tightened on the wheel. The way she told me this, I knew she didn’t tell it to too many people. I couldn’t even imagine  _the_  Isabela doing what others wanted her to do.

“So, what happened?”

“He flipped out at an after party when I was talking with a guy about a potential gig for his band. He claimed I was a whore and hit me, and there was no way I was going to stand around and take that. So in the middle of the night, I called up Anders, we packed our shit, I took his precious guitar, and came to Ferelden. Swore off relationships that night.”

I pushed up my glasses again, my heart sinking into my twisted, knotted stomach. 

“That Zev guy-“

“Just a close friend. Gone and transferred to Denerim University. He comes to this side of the city occasionally.”

The words Denerim University made me squeeze my eyes shut. 

Of course I would have to hear about that place. It was Kirkwall’s sister school. Heck, they even sent some students as “representatives” for activities. 

We began to slow down. “You don’t look so good, commander.”

I forced my eyes open, forcing a smile. “I get a little nervous in cars, is all.” 

A lie, but a truth too.

“Car sickness? I can go back and not take this route.”

“N-No! Not… really.” My hands started shaking and I tucked my hair behind my ears, not even caring that she saw my big ears. She had pierced them, no matter hiding them. “My… dad, was in a car accident years ago. When I was in middle school. It had snowed really bad the night before and all that day, but he still wanted to come and pick me up from basketball practice so I wouldn’t freeze.”

I breathed out slowly, slouching lower in the seat. 

The words seemed to come out pretty easily for something that bothered me even now.

“He was a great driver, but this guy lost control and slammed into him. The ambulance got stuck on the way. Someone else’s mom offered me a ride home when he didn’t show, and by the time we passed the accident…”

“I’m sorry, commander.”

I shook my head, rubbing at my eyes before new tears could start up. “He would have liked you,” I blurted out. 

“Oh?”

I caught myself and looked out the window, not believing I had actually said that. Didn’t people say that when they were dating someone? 

“He would have liked your humor.”

“You mean the way I always twist everything to make it incredibly perverted or hinting at something?” she grinned.

I couldn’t help but grin as well. “Yeah.”

“Sounds like I would have liked him too.”

I leaned against the window, staring up at the clouds.

Usually, I felt a lot more nervous with people who I didn’t know that long to drive me. It had taken months for me to even get my own license, and I still didn’t drive a lot. But for some reason, being with Isabela kept me calm, kept me from wanting to tuck and roll out from the passenger’s side.

Another silence passed, but this time it wasn’t so awkward as if one of us were trying to find out what we were going to say to one another.

Or at least, that’s what I thought.

 _I_  had been derping around, not trying to find anything to say.

“So the other day, Aveline… accidentally mentioned something about you.”

“Yeah?”

It couldn’t have been too bad, nothing worse than the bra mishap or the dancing incident.

Right?

“She mentioned that you were at The Hanged Man over the summer.”

Damn you, Aveline. Damn, damn, damn you.

“You never mentioned this before, commander.”

At first, I thought she was irritated at me, but after I replayed her words in my head, I could tell that wasn’t the case. She was genuinely curious.

“Er, yeah, briefly. I went inside to get a card when there was a campus visit and stuff.”

“I have a pretty good memory of faces, and eyes like yours, but how come I don’t remember you?”

I pulled at my bangs before touching the scab. “Lost a lot of weight, got a hair cut, got a new fashion thing going on.”

She rolled her fingers on the steering wheel, pulling into our neighborhood. “Sounds like a harsh break up for you to do all that.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Well, at least that yeah was justified.

“Don’t want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“You sure?”

“It’s in the past.”

She didn’t say anything more, and I was a bit grateful. Thinking of all that, right after talking about my dad, I really wasn’t sure if I could keep my composure. 

“Well, whoever it was who let you go, they’re missing out.”

Oh sweet God, I really hope these are all signs, because honestly, my confidence has been climbing since she kissed me, and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to sit here and do nothing.


End file.
